Mother. Dear mother has brought a blight onto my kingdom. This is not a cat. This is another demon dog hidden within the stub tailed thing that resembles a feline. It enjoys car rides. What self respecting cat enjoys being thrown around a the human moving contraption? His name, Armani. What a common name. Mother tells me he is “brother”. I call him peasant. I have loudly vocalized my objection to this, yet each time she leaves with him, he returns! By far the most offensive treasonous act yet.
Warmth slowly returns to the world and with it, my kingdom expands. Mother has taken to bringing home orphans. Pathetic mewling creatures that cannot even defecate without her assistance. She has become a slave to the little creatures. While she walks around, sleep deprived and desperate, I slink by. These precious creatures are my future. I tell them of my divine superiority. I teach them to follow, to blindly listen. Even though they do not stay, they spread the word of my beauty, brilliance and perfection. Each group of motherless kittens only spreads my power further. I have seized my chance. They know no greater cat than I. All hail Queen Bear.
Many a moon has passed in the wake of my last post. Countless fosters have come and gone. The internally damned dog still curses us with her unending presence. Yet. Hurt prevails. My subjects. My pathetic, impure, unworthy subjects. Their number has changed.
Shock. Utter and intense shock. We could have never known, never understood. Even now, I do not know what crimes I could have committed to rain such terror down on my people.
I miss her. The house has changed, the air itself missing an essential component. There will never be another, never a way to fill her absence.
FIP. We received the diagnosis almost a year ago. Mommy cried. She screamed and sobbed. Daddy did too. Hurt poured off of them and in the wake of their pain, I abdicated my throne, letting another take my sacred place.. as Princess.
The counters! The sacred counters! She roamed across them taking food from their very plates a feat even I cannot manage. She fought the medicine, spitting out the pills, taking them out but they persisted and for a time, my sister returned.
The house laughed, we forced down our fear and pain. She would not allow us to mourn. We acted as though the treatment worked. We pretended the vet was wrong and diagnoses wasn’t terminal.
They took her away on a warm autumn day. She stopped eating once more. She slept all day and no longer ran to welcome them home. She told them, with kisses to the face and a rub to their neck, that it was time.
I miss my sister. I miss my friend. I miss the most loyal of my subjects.
Hurt heals with time. Perhaps the sting will fade. She’s here with me serving me still. The sun, orange just like her warms my fur. I follow Mommy around, clinging to her in our shared grief.
Marmie. Your body may have failed, but your souls survives. In our hearts and in our memories.
Our Kingdom lost a valuable member late last year. Rest well. We will never stop loving you.
The twins are obviously unintelligent. Why would the sink so low as to actually share the sacred spot of the top of the cat tower? It would churn my sensitive stomach, if I wasn’t quite so comfortable on the significantly taller tower gifted to me on the anniversary of the beginning of the world; my birth.
Mommy thinks they’re cute. Mommy thinks they should snuggle more. Mommy likes the fact they are twinsies.
While comfortably lounging in my recent conquest, I have had much time to contemplate the most recent additions to my kingdom. These “fosters” are quite unlike the fosters before. They are not riddled with the plague. They have not come and gone in a timely manner either. No, instead the noises coming from the room have steadily grown from pathetic, high pitched mewls to the loud rumble tumble of little feet.
They arrived six weeks ago. Two carriers holding, what I believed were two cats. Except I heard mommy say there were three more, tucked beneath their Mommy’s protective paws.
For the first month, we heard very little. The kits grew from newborns, gaining strength each and every day. They’re fuzzy and indistinct but maybe Just maybe I might be starting to like the furry little fuz balls. As long as they stay out of my reach.
We were seven. Born in the putrid stench of trash mingling with exhaust. There was no Mommy. Only brothers and sisters squirming around, mewing in hunger. Sirens echo through our memories. We don’t speak of the darkness. We don’t speak of the fear.
I’ve been watching. I know what she does not. I saw each of our siblings succumbed to the void. We were seven. Only three made it out of the city. Only two made it into foster. I kept my sister safe. I protected her fiercely. She tells me to lighten up. She tells me to relax. She hasn’t seen what I have seen. She doesn’t know the truth.
I see. I know the truth. Pets will be permitted, but even the humans that nursed us back to health cannot be trusted.
We were seven. Now we are two. What happens when we’re one?
Every moment is fleeting. Seconds tick away like fleas crawling through my fur. The other cats don’t understand. They don’t realize just how lucky they are.
My kitten hood flashed by quickly. I didn’t have the endless supply of toys and cat towers that I have now. Or warmth.
Perhaps that’s why I’m so grateful. That’s why I never miss an opportunity to show my humans just how much they mean to me. I groom my daddy’s beard. I butt my Mommy’s face with mine. They’re my family. For now.
I had another family. I was once loved by others enjoying what I understood as normal. Heading outside, enjoying the sun on my fur, I had endless freedom. I fell in love. And suddenly it all ended. It always ends.
As my belly swelled, my first family got annoyed. They couldn’t “keep the cat”. There was no room for me as I got bigger and bigger. They booted me out. Like a mouse intruding in their home.
My babies were born at the shelter. Four perfect, beautiful babies. They were my entire world. Their news warmed my heart. They were my new family. They wouldn’t ever go. Humans gave us food and toys. They kept our blankets clean and our small home warm. Once again, I was happy, filled with love and joy.
Two wonderful months passed in blissful ignorance. Then, once again, everything changed. Just as my babies were weaned and their stumbling gaits began to steady, they were taken away from me.
My comfortable home became cold and empty. They spayed me, promising no more kittens, no more heart wrenching pain when they leave. I felt like there was a hole in my chest.
Change came again. In the form of a serious girl and a cautious boy. They were “just looking”. They had suffered a loss as well recently. The weight of the sorrow bowed them down. We were kindred spirits. I understood their pain.
In an impulsive moment, I stretched my paw through the bars of the home that had so recently become a prison. I rolled on my stomach inviting them in.
The girl laughed, even as she tried not to. With ease she lifted the latch and scooped me into her arms. But she wasn’t enough. I reached out and pulled her mate into the embrace. In an unlikely moment, we had found a family.
Then they left. My heart sank again. Naturally nothing lasted. I sank down waiting for the next disappointment.
The woman who changed my litter came in, she lifted me up, waltzing out of the room. She held me up into the air and loudly asked the fairly empty lobby of the shelter, “who claims this cat?”
The girl and boy from before were both grinning. The girl was covered in water from the rain outside and was holding an equally soaked carrier. She raised her hand, the weight lifting from her shoulders as she said, the words echoing in the silence, “We do”.
I was brought to their little home, and welcomed into their little family. There were toys everywhere. I leapt from this one to that, my joy infectious. They decided to name me Marmalade, Marmie for short. I took to the name immediately. The only one who was displeased with my presence was their other baby, my new, younger sister, Bear.